Dealing with Grief - Tooele Transcript Bulletin (2024)

A Stansbury mother who lost her son after a tragic accident at his school put her pain on paper in an effort to heal herself and aid others who have gone through similar experiences.

Kathryn Cunningham’s book, titled “Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death” was released in May 2024. Cunningham’s eight-year-old son, Dallin, fell off of a slide at Rose Springs Elementary School on Feb. 6, 2023, and hit his head on the frozen ground below.

After the incident, Dallin was rushed to the hospital where he was put on life support. The next day, Dallin passed away. Cunningham was living any parent’s worst nightmare, however she experienced something unique in the hospital in the form of several small miracles, which ultimately inspired her book.

“During that time in the hospital, I felt like I was being lifted up by the people around me and by God showing me how he was there for me, how he had prepared our family to meet this moment, and how he was sorry that he couldn’t give us what he really wanted, which was Dallin getting better,” she said. “God was doing everything he could possibly do for us.”

The day after her son’s passing, Cunningham woke up with a mind full of new thoughts, feelings, and ideas.

“I wrote the talk that I would give at Dallin’s funeral,” she explained. “As soon as I had finished that, I knew that I had to write more for my own healing, so that I wouldn’t forget what a sacred experience I had, but also for others who might be going through something similar and having trouble seeing the miracles that they are being sent in their darkest and most terrifying times. I felt that I had to write it all down, and I had to do it right away.”

Prior to her family’s tragedy, although never officially published, Cunningham wrote several stories and books and attended a few writing conferences. She said her former writing experience prepared her to put her thoughts to paper after her son’s passing.

It took Cunningham two months to write a rough draft of her new book, “Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death.” After the rough draft was complete, it took her a few months to edit and submit it to publishers. Throughout the writing process, Cunningham said she had a difficult time organizing her thoughts and the lessons she had learned, but she was able to overcome this challenge and release her book on May 14.

The title, “Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,” comes from Psalm 23 in the Bible.

“When Dallin was dying, and especially that morning when I started writing the talk for his funeral, I noticed that the sun comes up through the mountains,” Cunningham said. “The phrase ‘Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death’ is one that I’d heard many times before, but I realized that I’d never understood it… I realized that the valley is just life. We all live in the Tooele Valley; we are all experiencing life in the valley. The mountain that makes it a valley is death. Death is always a part of our lives, but we are able to ignore it most of the time. On a winter night, when the sun goes down and that shadow falls over us before we expect it and makes it dark and cold, that’s what it’s like when someone dies. Suddenly, we have to recognize that death has always been there and is always with us. We just have to keep walking through that valley until we can find the light again and until that shadow isn’t quite so difficult to bear.”

Cunningham hopes her book will help others going through their own “valley.”

“I hope my book will help everyone feel free to recognize that it’s okay to feel the hard things that we feel when somebody we love dies, when we experience disappointment, or the trauma of abuse,” she said. “Part of going through that and getting through it alive is facing the hard feelings that come with it. In the book, I talk really specifically about everything that happened to me and Dallin, everything we felt, and how hard it was to feel those things. Even though it will be really sad and hard, I really believe that people who read my book will look their own emotions in the face—to face their own hard feelings without being afraid and ashamed of them.”

Now that her book is published, Cunningham looks fondly back on the writing process.

“Writing allowed me to feel close to Dallin in those moments when it was so hard to accept that he was gone,” she said. “I had to accept that I felt close to him, but that closeness was different than when he was alive.”

Cunningham held a release party on the evening of May 17 at the Stansbury Clubhouse. Organized by a few of her close friends, Cunningham sold and signed books, served food, and spoke about miracles she and her family have experienced that aren’t mentioned in the book. She shared a blog post highlighting her feelings, sang a few songs—including lullabies she used to sing to her son and a spiritual song that helped her and her husband through the first few months after Dallin’s death.

Since the publication of her book and the release party, readers have expressed their gratitude for the book.

“A lot of the people who’ve read the book have said it hurts to read, but it hurts in a good way,” Cunningham said. “They said it hurts in a way that doesn’t leave them feeling hopeless but leaves them feeling more. I think that’s what our hard emotional journeys can do if we go through them looking for miracles and being honest about ourselves and about what the experience is doing for us.”

“Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death” is a short read, only about 100 pages in total, to allow those who are also grieving to not feel overwhelmed with having to read a long book.

Cunningham’s title is available in Deseret Book stores and online for $14.99 on cedarfort.com and deseretbook.com. It is also available on Amazon.com and at Real Deals, located at 944 N. Main Street in Tooele City, behind the ambulance building. Cunningham said she prefers readers buy her book locally to support Real Deals. Cunningham has personally sold 125 copies of her book so far, but more have been sold elsewhere.

“People have been so kind,” Cunningham said, referencing her book sales. “Everyone knew about what happened to Dallin, and I’ve had all of the support and love from the Tooele County community.”

Prior to publishing her book, Cunningham wrote several short stories for her children, a young adult novel, and a mystery. She was also on the writing team for a refugee advocacy organization named “Their Story is Our Story” in their book “Let Me Tell You My Story.”

Cunningham wants to encourage other writers to tell their stories.

“Keep writing and keep learning because you don’t know when that moment will come when you will realize this is the book you’re supposed to write,” she said. “I always thought that my first published book would be fiction, a children’s story, or something like that. I did not dream in a million years that I would have to write a book about my son dying, but I know that every little bit of writing I did in my life was to prepare me to write this book. Even if you feel discouraged or can’t find a buyer for your book, just keep writing and improve as much as you can.

Cunningham is the mother of three girls and her one son, Dallin, who passed away. She graduated from BYU and speaks French and German. Because Cunningham’s husband was in the Army, she lived all over the world before moving to Stansbury Park around three years ago. Cunningham has been a stay-at-home mom for 18 years, and she enjoys participating in church and community activities. She also enjoys exercising, reading, singing, playing piano, teaching her daughters how to play the piano, and spending time with her family camping, and watching movies.

Cunningham also frequently posts on an online blog. Her blog can be found at kathryncunninghamauthor.com.

csutton@tooeletranscript.com