As a professional columnist who writes on matters of pressing national importance, I sometimes have to deal with difficult people. These people share a common trait - they openly admit to being men.One such brazen fellow contacted me recently to let me know that he did not believe I actually write my columns, suggesting I must employ the services of a male ghostwriter.

“Your columns are too funny,” he wrote. “And women aren’t funny." This reader’s chauvinistic comments really got my goat. But after I’d calmed down, retrieved my goat and put him (or her) back in my mental barn, I did a little research on gender differences in the appreciation of humor. Turns out, it has been scientifically proven that men and women process “funny” differently. Women appear to think a bit more about whether or not they find something amusing. Women like sharing narratives that create a bonding moment. If a woman has something funny to say, you should probably grab a seat because the punch line isn’t coming for a while. Women laugh more at themselves, and they don’t do crude. We'd never ask someone to pull our finger.

Men, on the other hand, like making fun of everyone. They like one-liners and sucker punches that come with a sting. They consider bodily noises an art form, from the perfect armpit fart (which I’ll admit does take some skill) to the loudest burp. Men are humor primitives – man hears joke, man thinks, “Oh, a joke,” man laughs because, well, it’s a joke. They don't have the attention span or the desire to wait for the rib-tickling to begin.

This ability to be easily amused is a wonderful quality for members of your audience to have if you are in the business of trying to make people laugh. But it renders the XY side of our species (AKA men) incapable of appreciating more sophisticated female funnies. That’s why, as a professional humor columnist with a duty to tickle as many funny bones as possible - regardless of gender - I often write about simple things. It’s also why, if one of my male readers actually laughs at one of my columns, he may be skeptical that it was written by a woman. And that is why men don’t think women are funny. In the world of wit, we occupy different planes of existence.

I really am a girl, guys, and I really do write my own material. But in order to further my comedic career and appeal to the widest possible audience, I frequently try to think like a man. Pull my finger.

© Jackie Papandrew, All Rights Reserved

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